August 07, 2021 - Stamps and Jewelry

 

So, during the last visit I made to Arkansas to help out my dad we had a discussion about the logistics and timing of potentially moving him up to New England where we would share living accommodations. That way I can keep an eye on him and be there when he has another health issue that requires medical intervention.

 

The biggest stumbling blocks at the moment though are my current condo and its multiple flights of stairs (which he really cannot navigate easily), and not working full time so I could rent an apartment as I would need someplace to live once my condo sold. And yes, selling the condo and moving into someplace with less stairs has been a plan for the next few years.

 

So, in preparation for that I decided to begin going through the house and taking a hard look at what I own, what I need and what I want to retain because of sentiment. The first place I started was my dressing table – specifically the jewelry box and drawers.

 

This was both easier and more difficult than I had thought. And I realized that for me I will hold on to things for several years out of sentiment before I feel ready to make a more rational decision about what I will keep and what I can pass on. So fortified with a large mug of coffee I emptied out two drawers onto my bed and went through everything. There were quite a few things I found easy to set aside – mostly because they were not in colors I ever wear and/or were not my style at all.

 

I re-found that a variety of wedding rings also – the new set my parents got for Mom for their Fiftieth Anniversary – those of course are going nowhere soon. I also realized I had my mother’s parents’ rings as well as a set from the Hesters – an elderly couple my mother took care of (including settling their estates). After checking that my brother was okay with my selling Mimi and Papa’s rings, I made an appointment at Longs Jewelers and let them, and a few other pieces, go.

 

Also, to be sold as part of this part of the downsizing were several stamp collections books – including the one from my Great-Grandfather Mattison that had stamps from Finland and surrounding areas dating back to the 1860s.

 So, the serious downsizing has begun. Though I am sure this will not be the final time I do this.

August 06, 2021 - Crafts on Hold

 One of the things that has really changed for me in the last six years are that certain creative activities I used to do every year, almost without fail, I have either done only a few times or not at all since June 2015 when my Mother died.

Specifically, I have been thinking about the cooking and canning that used to take up a lot of my time each Summer and Autumn. I would venture into various farms and fields to pick different fruits, and obtain vegetables. Then a weekend would be spent prepping, blending and canning. These are activities that I realized last year I was not actually doing anymore.

However, I think there are two reasons for this. The first being that since Mom passed, I have not been hosting Exchange Students. And they were a large factor in how quickly I would use the canned items I had in the pantry. So that each year it felt as though I was “re-stocking” the larder. Where as right now it would only feel as if I was creating new inventory that I would just need to find storage for.

 

I also am finding that over the last 15 months my desire/motivation to make meals from scratch has diminished quite a bit. In part because my depression has been really bad and that has affected my appetite.

I also used to explore some medieval style items, but as there have not been any in-person SCA events to display or provide largesse for. There were no in-person Quilt Guild meetings or parties, so that meant I did not “need” to have items as gifts. Additionally, since I have not worked in an office since early 2018 where I used to make gift baskets for co-workers, that has not occurred either.

 Perhaps when the world gets back to something more resembling “normal” I will have cleared out more of my current stock and have groups to prepare new items for.

August 05, 2021 - Death of Language

 

This is not a new topic, as I know other friends have commented either on social media or in personal conversation.

 

It is the butchering of not only spelling, but punctuation and proper grammar. In some ways I blame texting. Back when mobile phones had crappy typing abilities and you would need to push a number multiple times to get the letter you wanted – then some shortcuts made sense. Such as u for you, 4 for for etc…

 

However with smartphones you can talk to text so there is no reason to keep using those old shortcuts. And when I see those in posts on Facebook, where I am assuming a lot of people were creating their posts on a computer and not a phone – then it really gets my goat.

 

I used to see this in business emails as well – responses with NO punctuation so you never knew when one sentence started and another stopped. Especially as all email programs do have a form of Spell Check – how is it even acceptable, on any level, for typos? I am just talking about basic conveyance of communication. Nothing fancy as in a technical report, award winning novel or graded essay. 

And yet, as much as I cringe when I read something where the author has used the incorrect version of your - you’re or to-too-two … Listening to people murder words in their speech is the equivelant of fingernails down a chalkboard. I have bitten my tongue more often than I would have ever thought I would need to in order not to interrupt those people and correct their linguistics.

 

The word is ASK not AX.

You are over using the word “literal / literally”

Shouting and repeating the same phrase over and over is not winning anyone over to your side, nor does it make any sense. i.e. “Did I say that? Did I say that? Did I Did I say that?   say that? Did I say that? Did I say that? Did I say that? Did I say that? Did I say that?....”

 

I really worry about the people who are younger than I am and will be taking over the leadership of institutions and governments. And yes – I know that makes me sound a million years old.

August 04, 2021 - Cleaning

 

I do not understand why, with all the technologies we have developed, houses are not yet self- cleaning!!

Sure – there are Roombas – but they are not practical when you live in a multi-story abode. Even if I were to install one on each level – the stairs will still be ignored. I have seen built in vacuum systems for a house where you can sweep the kitchen floor and it is sicked up through a vent in the baseboards, or those where you plug in the hoses to a wall port – but I would still be doing the floors.

And why can’t bathrooms be self-cleaning? And not in the way that some public facilities in Europe are were once you exit the entire thing is hosed down on the inside. Perhaps just a special light turns on to kill all bacteria etc when you leave and close the door.

Also, if I can buy a refrigerator that keeps inventory for me – why not one that can automatically dispose of expired and spoiled foods? Or a laundry system that sorts things sent down a chute and when a bin is full it is sent through the washing and dryer cycles.

 

Now I know some people would say that I could hire a service to do my cleaning, and install a whole house vacuum, or even purchase an automatic cat litter box, though I would still need to top of the clean litter.

 

Unfortunately, as with many things that I want, or dream of, my limiting factor is money. Automatic systems and appliances are not cheap. And even when I was working full time my budget never felt as though I could afford routine outside help.

 

So I guess it’s time for me to just hunt down a Sugar Daddy – or win the Lottery.

August 03, 2021 - Bad Weddings

 So – a bit of a lighter rant for today.

 

Weddings.

 

I am part of a Wedding Shaming group on Facebook and have also indulged at times going down a rabbit hole of bridezillas and truly awful pictures. These photos are, in my opinion, true dumpster fires.

 

I understand when people do not have a lot of money to spend on a ceremony, and I am not convinced that doing so is a requirement. But Ye Gods and Little Fishes!!! Did no one tell some of these people to pay attention to what is in the background? Setting up your wedding arch so that it perfectly frames the overflowing actual dumpster or port-a-john is just lazy.

Some of my other pet peeves:

·       If you want to serve KFC fine. But take a few moments and place the items into clear plastic bowls or serving plates. They are very cheap at the Dollar Store or other places. Just plopping the company packaging on the table is free advertising for them that they do not need.

·       I do NOT understand certain themes I see time after time in the photos – I find all of the following disturbing, disgusting, stupid or just inappropriate:

o   Bridal Party showing off automatic weapons

o   Men with their pants around their ankles        

o   Brides posed as if they are giving the groom a blow job

o   The bride wearing a lovely dress and yet both families wearing whatever they found on the floor that morning. Dirty shirts, stained clothing, outgrown clothing items, unkempt hair etc.

o   Grooms who it appears to not give a rat’s behind what they look like that day, or the pictures. The bride has had her hair done and wears a dress that fits and looks nice. Yet he never removes his stained ball cap, his shirt is messy-wrinkled and/or stained. It does not appear that he is even wearing his best jeans or sweat pants. In a lot of these photos he looks like a homeless person she picked up 30 minutes before.

o   The pictures that seem to celebrate just how drunk the attendees, and the wedding party, could get.

 

I would love to see the statistics on how many of these couples were still married after 5 years.

And in a perfect world (aka MY version of the world) couples would spend less money and time planning a six hour event and instead use that time planning for a successful MARRIAGE – and not just be focused on the wedding.

But that is just me I suppose.

 

August 02, 2021 - Relationships

I am addressing something that has bothered me for quite some time. The impermanence of relationship.

 

Not merely in the sense of a romantic partner or spouse but friends, coworkers, neighbors and even family members. I have been concerned for years that keeping in touch with people is something everyone else is good at, but I just never learned the skill to do so. I have wondered if my family’s moving so often when I was a child didn’t let me learn how to maintain relationships over years and years as I was never in one city long enough to get to that point until I was in Eighth Grade.

 

Even now I worry and wonder why I feel as thought I am lacking some essential skill element when it comes to maintaining long term relationships.

One factor for me is my innate shyness along with an over-developed fear of rejection. The first trait is something that a lot of people who think they know me, will say is not true. However, just because I can fake being social does not mean it is easy and they do not see the emotional toll it takes on me to keep up that façade for more than a couple of hours. When I was younger my tendency to stay on the sidelines, not initiate interactions and take my time trying to understand the dynamics of any new group of people made kids label me quickly as “standoffish”, “arrogant”, “smug” or as if I thought I was better than they were. Which meant they did not invite me into groups or friendship circles. When in reality I was trying to see where I might fit in and identify others with similar interests. But that is a process that takes me as long as it takes, and rushing to join a group has backfired on me badly in the p
ast.

 

And that memory leads to times when my being seen as “separate” from my peers has meant not just emotional hurt, but physical as well. Which I will explore in a later posting.

 

I have been thinking back on various friends I have had through work, or church, or an interest group that I no longer see / speak to / or even know how to contact.

 

•          S: I actually ended this friendship when I had to report her to CPS for things she was doing around her son.
  
  
•          R – L – A – K – S – R – T – C: All friends from various jobs. These are the women I would have lunch with, see a movie, grab a drink or just hang out. Yet even though I know I made the effort to check in after I left those jobs (through voice messages and emails) – one by one they stopped responding. And vague promises of getting together never happened. A part of me wonders if I did anything wrong that pushed them away – or was I merely kidding myself about them being my friend.
  
  
•       L – T – R – H – J – K – D: These are the relationships that hurt the most. And that I grieve the most. The ones where I continued to reach out over and over and over and over. Sometimes for years, until I finally had to accept that for whatever reason they no longer wanted me in their lives in any capacity. These are the ones that made me feel used, as if I was merely a convenience at the time, and that they no longer wanted to be bothered with.
  
  
•       A – E – G – S – N – L: People that I really extended myself for emotionally, physically or financially. The ones that left me feeling like a major idiot who let them take advantage of me, because I hate confrontation. The ones that make me question whether I can really trust anyone and yet do I really want to be that cynical.

It can be too easy for people to spout platitudes such as “You are just not their cup of tea”, “Some people are only meant to stay a season…” or “You deserve to be treated better”.

 

But it still hurts, and for me it still begs the question about whether moving about as often as we did when I was young affected the way I approach relationships – or is this just a part of my nature.

August 01, 2021 - Angst

 I have noticed over the last several months that there is a growing list of things that I am finding either irritating, perplexing or just causing me angst.

 
And I have wanted to air these issues and feelings but of course, being me, felt I needed to do it in a more organized manner than just dumping them randomly on social media. And so the idea of Aggravating August popped into my little brain.

 

So – first Angst …..

 

I know that this is occurring for a lot of people to various degrees – that feeling that you just cannot get out of your own way. I have a list of things that NEED to be done, and another list of things that I really WANT to do. And yet for months now I feel as if I just cannot summon the energy, focus or impetus to actually DO any of them.

 

Part of it is a physical feeling of lethargy and weakness, along with an emotional and intellectual weariness that makes it feel as if I just am not going to be able to get anything done that day. Or any day.

 

None of this is helped of course by the screwy-ness of my sleep schedule – which is to say there is very little of the “schedule” about it. Perhaps this exercise of writing down these things that annoy me will actually help by getting them out of my head, therefore freeing up that space for focusing on other things.