Just to share for a laugh ... this is one of the most interesting job posting I have read in quite a while. This guy sounds like a real trip!
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Executive Assistant
Nashua, NH 03063
Nashua, NH 03063
YOU NEED TO BE FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST SUPER FAST TURBO CHARGED MULTI TASKER, YOU WORK ON TWO THINGS AT ONCE NOT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, BUT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK ANY OTHER WAY
-Uber Organized
-You live in the grey......Out of the Box thinking is your middle name
-You are cheap with my money
-You take great pleasure in tearing my phone company a new one for overcharging me by accident
-You take great pleasure in getting me discounts
-You Know travel sites like the back of your hand
- You have the memory of an Elephant
-You can do expense reports in your sleep
-You are the type of person that gets your work done WAY before schedule just because you can
-NO CLOCK WATCHERS - 5 minutes early and 5 minutes late is typical for you (I HATE CLOCK WATCHERS!!!!!)
-You can deal with a real pain in the ass for a boss, who is always busy, bad at communicating, and does not give much direction
-You are not afraid to give me S-H-$-T for being bad at communicating and for not giving direction so that you can get your work done
-You like a mix mash of work anywhere from managing my time to bringing my dog in to get neutered
- You must be able to lift a box weighing 30 lbs over your head
-You know a little about a lot
- You are pretty good with computers
- You hate a mess
- You are known as "Cool Under Pressure" by your friends
- You are a fast worker who makes minimal mistakes
- You are an amazing scheduler with a sickening degree of attention to detail
- You are an awesome juggler of tasks
- You are an animal at project management
- You like to work your ass off
-You don’t care that I have a potty mouth
-You live in the grey......Out of the Box thinking is your middle name
-You are cheap with my money
-You take great pleasure in tearing my phone company a new one for overcharging me by accident
-You take great pleasure in getting me discounts
-You Know travel sites like the back of your hand
- You have the memory of an Elephant
-You can do expense reports in your sleep
-You are the type of person that gets your work done WAY before schedule just because you can
-NO CLOCK WATCHERS - 5 minutes early and 5 minutes late is typical for you (I HATE CLOCK WATCHERS!!!!!)
-You can deal with a real pain in the ass for a boss, who is always busy, bad at communicating, and does not give much direction
-You are not afraid to give me S-H-$-T for being bad at communicating and for not giving direction so that you can get your work done
-You like a mix mash of work anywhere from managing my time to bringing my dog in to get neutered
- You must be able to lift a box weighing 30 lbs over your head
-You know a little about a lot
- You are pretty good with computers
- You hate a mess
- You are known as "Cool Under Pressure" by your friends
- You are a fast worker who makes minimal mistakes
- You are an amazing scheduler with a sickening degree of attention to detail
- You are an awesome juggler of tasks
- You are an animal at project management
- You like to work your ass off
-You don’t care that I have a potty mouth
This is a Part time- full time position, Send me a resume and cover letter in pdf format. In your cover letter tell me four things:
1. Why are you such a badass
2. Describe the last 3 bosses you had and why you loved and hated working for them
3. Tell me your ideal situation
4. Tell me about the first job you ever had, what you did, how long you had the job.
2. Describe the last 3 bosses you had and why you loved and hated working for them
3. Tell me your ideal situation
4. Tell me about the first job you ever had, what you did, how long you had the job.
GOOD LUCK!”
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And my response:
RE: Indeed Job Posting – Executive Assistant
Dear Sir/Madam:
I will say that your position posting was one of the more interesting I have seen in quite a while. You emphasized speed, however when things are merely done quickly in order to meet an arbitrary deadline you risk sacrificing accuracy and completeness. Something to keep in mind as you move forward.
Now, as regards the lengthy list you provided regarding the qualities you are seeking:
Dear Sir/Madam:
I will say that your position posting was one of the more interesting I have seen in quite a while. You emphasized speed, however when things are merely done quickly in order to meet an arbitrary deadline you risk sacrificing accuracy and completeness. Something to keep in mind as you move forward.
Now, as regards the lengthy list you provided regarding the qualities you are seeking:
• I am very organized and can maintain that system as long as you stay out of the files and not try to “help” me re-file items. Also, no digging through my desk and messing up the supplies and projects in progress.
• I do not necessarily equate grey with out-of-the-box. However, I have a large creative streak.
• A bit concerned about your classification as a cheapskate. Will that transfer to a battle over getting paid or my raise?
• While not able to recount chapter and verse of all the travel sites out there I am very smart and can manage to do comparisons of various offers
• I have the ability to remember a lot but you are on your own regarding keeping track of your kids/significant other/parent’s birthdays and gift preferences.
• Deadlines will be a close shave or missed because you did not give me all the information I needed to complete the task. After two instances I will implement a structured work request document for you to follow.
• I have had more than my fair share of pain in the ass managers during my career. Not all of which appreciated being told they were out of line, needed to put their heads down on their desk for five minutes, or to please remove themselves from my personal space.
• “You can deal with a real pain in the ass for a boss, who is always busy, bad at communicating, and does not give much direction” …. This makes me wonder just how many assistants have carried you to where you are today. These are really not characteristics to be that proud of.
• A mix of tasks does keep things interesting … however how many times have you had that poor dog neutered??
• Why am I lifting a box over my head? Just to re-stock it or is this some weird endurance fetish? If the latter – then I will pass.
• I am cool under pressure until my bullshit levels hit critical mass. Then I will either push back hard or walk away for 10 minutes.
• Working flat out has never resulted in any reduction in the size of my ass, so I am not sure the same effort for you will result in any lost inches.
• I definitely know a LOT about a huge variety of topics. A lot of which will probably not help you much in a modern business setting. But let me know if you have questions about medieval food preservation.
• Computers? You can fix issues by whacking them on the top with your fist right? Like we used to do with the old television in the family room.
• If your potty mouth includes blasphemy then I am calling you on it. I can handle the word “F*&(“, but screaming “Jesus Christ” at me is going to get you a bad reaction.
• What the HECK is Part time – full time? Is this code for “20 hours a week that will be such hell it will feel like 60”?
As to your questions:
1. I have been called tough, intimidating and unwilling to budge by more than one person over the years. Usually by someone who is not happy with me for refusing to change the game plan or deadline to account for their lack of planning. I like the phrase “Lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine”. In my last position I stopped “covering” for a team member who had not made a deadline for six months and then expected me to revise a 70 page document an hour before the monthly meeting because he missed the deadline getting me his data … again. I stopped sending out revised reports moments before the meeting, and when we got to where his data should be there was a large blank page with the words “NO DATA SUBMITTED”. Yep, I threw him under the bus three months in a row. My manager told me I should stop embarrassing him in front of the team. I told his VP that it was unreasonable to expect me to inconvenience the other 40 members of the management team for this one person.
2. My last three bosses / managers – okay this will be just a sampling as with each position I reported to more than one person at a time.
a. Smith & Nephew – my last manager was the only one in our department who actually “got” me and did her best to give me opportunities to use my multiple talents. Our first VP and I had a sarcastic verbal sparring method of communication that worked really well for us. Unfortunately, he was replaced by a man who had a large pole firmly implanted in his backside that had removed any sense of humor or appreciation for working with a non-drone.
b. C.R. Bard – Similar story. My first manager let me take on work outside my written job description. Mainly because I was bored with nothing to do – and I did it well. Plus, she had been doing that task and hated it. She was replaced by a corporate drone who felt that even though I was working for HR I was too “friendly with the staff”. Whatever the heck that meant.
c. Wyeth – I loved my original manager. She had a firm grasp on not only what each team member did, but the difficulties they faced meeting metrics. She also had the maturity to share accolades with her team and not claim all the glory for herself. The entire team loved her and we worked harder for her than for the Black Widow that took over her duties when she left.
3. My ideal situation has evolved as I have matured and gained focus. At this time however, my short list would include:
a. Part time – I am back in college working towards a new focus for my degree and I need time for homework, projects and study. I am unable to commit working every weekend as well.
b. I do have interests and a life outside of the job. As such I have commitments already in place for specific days through November already. Most are during weekends, but there are a few that encompass a Friday as well. As I have already made these commitments, backing out of them is not, for me, the ethical thing to do.
c. Not interested in having to wear a uniform, I like color, design, texture and dress according to how I am feeling that day. It is always business appropriate (no sweats, pajama pants, jeans or flip flops) but not suit and tie formal.
d. COFFEE. Coffee must be available to me at all times.
e. I am an adult. I neither need, nor want, you to be my parent. If on Tuesday I am in five minutes late I will know it. The eyeroll, sigh or tapping of your watch is not necessary. On the other hand, if I am in the middle of a project that I can either put away because it is X o’clock, or stay 20 minutes and finish it today, there is a 90% chance I will do the latter.
f. I believe in compartmentalizing specifics of work and home lives. As such I will not send break-up flowers to your latest girlfriend, or do your Christmas shopping. I will put reminders on your calendar a week in advance that your mother’s birthday is coming up so you can send her a card. If you need to be out of the office for Yom Kippur for example, then I expect reciprocal consideration for Holy Week and Christmas.
g. Co-workers who are going to head to the restroom to cry because I say something sarcastic or ironic are to be avoided if possible.
4. My first non-babysitting job would be when I was 15 and I was employed as a cleaner for a local management company. I had to clean vacated apartments prior to new tenants moving in. Overall, a truly disgusting job. On the plus side I was allowed to keep any cash or items left behind that I found. My best score was the $100 in fives found in a freezer. This was followed up by a stint working fast food. Another disgusting experience. However, I did them in order to earn the money I needed to go to Hawaii for a week with my school orchestra/band for a run of concerts.
After high school my first “real” job was working in the accounting department of a private bank where I remained for two years. Pros: I learned a lot, had some amazing co-workers and made a great friend. Cons: very strict dress code, no opportunity to move into another position.
Now, having listed what many would consider downsides to working with your company, what can you tell me about why you should be fortunate enough to have me join your business?
Good luck!
1. I have been called tough, intimidating and unwilling to budge by more than one person over the years. Usually by someone who is not happy with me for refusing to change the game plan or deadline to account for their lack of planning. I like the phrase “Lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine”. In my last position I stopped “covering” for a team member who had not made a deadline for six months and then expected me to revise a 70 page document an hour before the monthly meeting because he missed the deadline getting me his data … again. I stopped sending out revised reports moments before the meeting, and when we got to where his data should be there was a large blank page with the words “NO DATA SUBMITTED”. Yep, I threw him under the bus three months in a row. My manager told me I should stop embarrassing him in front of the team. I told his VP that it was unreasonable to expect me to inconvenience the other 40 members of the management team for this one person.
2. My last three bosses / managers – okay this will be just a sampling as with each position I reported to more than one person at a time.
a. Smith & Nephew – my last manager was the only one in our department who actually “got” me and did her best to give me opportunities to use my multiple talents. Our first VP and I had a sarcastic verbal sparring method of communication that worked really well for us. Unfortunately, he was replaced by a man who had a large pole firmly implanted in his backside that had removed any sense of humor or appreciation for working with a non-drone.
b. C.R. Bard – Similar story. My first manager let me take on work outside my written job description. Mainly because I was bored with nothing to do – and I did it well. Plus, she had been doing that task and hated it. She was replaced by a corporate drone who felt that even though I was working for HR I was too “friendly with the staff”. Whatever the heck that meant.
c. Wyeth – I loved my original manager. She had a firm grasp on not only what each team member did, but the difficulties they faced meeting metrics. She also had the maturity to share accolades with her team and not claim all the glory for herself. The entire team loved her and we worked harder for her than for the Black Widow that took over her duties when she left.
3. My ideal situation has evolved as I have matured and gained focus. At this time however, my short list would include:
a. Part time – I am back in college working towards a new focus for my degree and I need time for homework, projects and study. I am unable to commit working every weekend as well.
b. I do have interests and a life outside of the job. As such I have commitments already in place for specific days through November already. Most are during weekends, but there are a few that encompass a Friday as well. As I have already made these commitments, backing out of them is not, for me, the ethical thing to do.
c. Not interested in having to wear a uniform, I like color, design, texture and dress according to how I am feeling that day. It is always business appropriate (no sweats, pajama pants, jeans or flip flops) but not suit and tie formal.
d. COFFEE. Coffee must be available to me at all times.
e. I am an adult. I neither need, nor want, you to be my parent. If on Tuesday I am in five minutes late I will know it. The eyeroll, sigh or tapping of your watch is not necessary. On the other hand, if I am in the middle of a project that I can either put away because it is X o’clock, or stay 20 minutes and finish it today, there is a 90% chance I will do the latter.
f. I believe in compartmentalizing specifics of work and home lives. As such I will not send break-up flowers to your latest girlfriend, or do your Christmas shopping. I will put reminders on your calendar a week in advance that your mother’s birthday is coming up so you can send her a card. If you need to be out of the office for Yom Kippur for example, then I expect reciprocal consideration for Holy Week and Christmas.
g. Co-workers who are going to head to the restroom to cry because I say something sarcastic or ironic are to be avoided if possible.
4. My first non-babysitting job would be when I was 15 and I was employed as a cleaner for a local management company. I had to clean vacated apartments prior to new tenants moving in. Overall, a truly disgusting job. On the plus side I was allowed to keep any cash or items left behind that I found. My best score was the $100 in fives found in a freezer. This was followed up by a stint working fast food. Another disgusting experience. However, I did them in order to earn the money I needed to go to Hawaii for a week with my school orchestra/band for a run of concerts.
After high school my first “real” job was working in the accounting department of a private bank where I remained for two years. Pros: I learned a lot, had some amazing co-workers and made a great friend. Cons: very strict dress code, no opportunity to move into another position.
Now, having listed what many would consider downsides to working with your company, what can you tell me about why you should be fortunate enough to have me join your business?
Good luck!
