A Conservative Comes Out of Her Shell

I went back and forth several times today in my mind about whether I was going to post anything regarding the current Supreme Court case which is looking at the question of whether DOMA should be overturned and is Gay Marriage somehow a constitutional right.

At first I was inclined to do what I usually do whenever one of these social issues arises in a wave on social media - keep my head down and avoid saying anything. And then I found myself asking "Why do I do that?"

And the answer is simple and a bit scary at the same time. Because it seems that whenever myself, or someone I know, posts anything that can be seen as conservative, deeply faith based or anti-liberal we get persecuted. And not just with a comment here or there that says "I do not agree with you" but with messages and replies that seem to say that not only is my opinion/belief/stand ignorant, uninformed, hate based, biased, un-American and/or wrong but that somehow it means that I hate group X, Y or Z.

These seem to me to be the same people however who get bent out of shape if I voice my own, at times strongly held, belief that another person's more liberal view may be seen as intolerant, bigoted, anti-Christian or morally wrong in my eyes. As though most social media sites are here to only promote one side of the discussion.

So to finally be true to my own self here are a sampling of things I believe:

1. I don't like that the rainbow, which I see as a symbol of God's Covenant between himself and his people to never again destroy the world with a flood is now seen by most people as only as the flag of the gay and lesbian community.

2. I do not hate anyone simply because they are gay. However that does not mean that I believe that church sanctioned gay marriage is a good idea, nor a biblical one. There is a reason God created male and female - each is needed to produce a child. Even a lesbian couple knows that without sperm there will be NO baby.

3. I am uncomfortable with calling it "marriage" at all. And I have heard the arguments about how it is not "fair" or it is "unequal" - but I am sorry. Whoever said that all of life has to be "fair"? If as a heterosexual couple you don't want to be married yet you still want to play house and have children - go to an attorney and get some other sort of legal documentation that will allow you to have shared custody of a child, or part of the house you bought together.

4. Regardless of who you are I really am not interested in seeing you try and ram your tongue down your partner's throat in public. Groping your date/fiance/boyfriend/partner's genitals in public is also not a sign of how evolved or "cool" you are - but how immature. You are having sex - we get it - congratulations .... now get a room. And it doesn't matter to me whether you are a complete stranger or a so-called celebrity. It is tacky and in bad taste.

5. I am annoyed at those who try to change the liturgy of the church into gender neutral language because they don't like saying "He", or it is too patriarchal or it somehow demeans women. I am sorry that your idea of God is so petty and your ego is so fragile that the word "mankind" causes you to believe that as a woman you do not matter. Please - get therapy and leave The Lord's Prayer alone. I don't need you to help me in this area.

6. I do not like the current occupant of the Oval Office. Not even a little. I didn't vote for him, cannot wait for him to leave and take his wife with him, and I don't trust him as far as I can spit. It has nothing to do with his ethic origin - I just think he is a snake and doing little to nothing to help the average working person like myself. And I want to see term limits on Congress as well. No more planting your ass in a chair for 40 years as if it is your "right". 

7. I am tired of hearing that I am not a "real" parent to my exchange students simply because I did not push them out of my body or suffer through potty training.

8. I get annoyed by the double standard at many work places when it comes to single versus married and childless versus parental  employees. You are married with a sick kid? Fine, work from home or leave early. No one says a thing. Single and need to take your dog to the vet? The world, or at least the office, is going to come to an end if you leave for a longer lunch break.

9. I hate that selection of judges to the Supreme Court seems to have come down to only one criteria: their position on Roe v. Wade. Really? All other Constitutional and societal issues have been made perfect so we only need to concentrate on this one case? And for the record - I cannot find one prior State statute that did not allow for a medically necessary abortion or one where the pregnancy was a result of incest or rape. And frankly the number of women who seem to use this option as a form of birth control makes me sick.

At that point I believe there should be the option to tie her tubes then find one of the many so called men out there who think it proves something that they can make a sperm donation without actually sticking around to be a father and force him to get a vasectomy.

10. And finally, at least for this rant, whatever happened to shame? Or personal responsibility? Or social embarrassment? Remember when people did not do certain things because their was pressure from society to behave in a civilized, or at least more polite, way? If you had five children by five different men there were social consequences and most people would not think your choices were to envied. It never used to be "cool" to walk around showing the world your underwear. Using the "F" word in every sentence meant you were an idiot and not someone to be emulated.

My great-grandmother did not arrive in this country with the expectation that everyone around her would of course print any official form she needed in her language - she had to learn English. The hard way - there was not any sort of service around to teach her in 1909. She and my great-grandfather would have to work for what they wanted: A house for their family, an education for their children, money to feed all those mouths and clothe everyone. They did not just sit down with their hand out and say "Hey, I came here and adjusting is too hard so please Federal Government, you must take care of me so I can sit on my ass and collect money from those other dumb schmucks who are working to support me". And before you think I am stereotyping - I see it every day. In the public housing project across the street from my home. Residents who have lived there the last 11 years that I have lived in my home and yet they still cannot speak more than two words of English.


So there it is. For those who already knew me I am sure not much of this was news. For those who thought they knew me - perhaps you did not know as much as you thought.

I do try very hard to not push my own beliefs and opinions down the throats of others. And I am sure that at least three people that I can think of off the top of my head will "un-friend" me on Facebook after reading this.

Oh well. I don't see that being friends means we need to see eye to eye on everything. We can agree to disagree. However if you have the right to Free Speech and to advocate for your causes ... then why don't I?

Adaptations and Work Ethic

Something I have been thinking about quite a lot over the last couple of weeks is how would I define my work ethic. Do I HAVE a work ethic, and if so is it a good one or not?

What got me on this subject were some events of the last month or so, both at home and at the office.

First – I am still trying to adjust to this new schedule. After going for so long with no real set hours for going to bed or having to get up I have to try and cut myself some slack as I adjust to this new early, at least for me, bedtime and my weekday alarm going off at 06:30 am. Not that I actually get UP at that time – I hit “snooze” several times before that happens. But I am not one of those who routinely open their eyes and rolls right out of bed. It usually takes me a while to adjust to the idea of sun, being awake and then actually getting into motion. I have always been this way. My mother says that even as an infant I would lay in my crib and just blink, look around or mutter to myself for a long while before I decided I was hungry or ready to actually get up.

I also don’t need much time to get ready in the morning. Showering for me is an evening activity and as I only wash my hair once a week it is just a matter of washing my face, deodorant, brush my teeth, make-up, get dressed and grab lunch from the fridge and I am out the door. Though I can experience a hitch in the schedule when it comes to the dressing part depending on my mood or if I discover something is not fitting the way I want on a particular day. But on average about 30 minutes is what it runs for me from getting out of bed to walking out the door.

It is once I arrive at the office where I feel things go off track a bit. Now don’t get me wrong I am glad to once again be able to earn the money I need to support myself, the girls and the cats. I think it is just that I am feeling rather at loose ends in some ways. From previous experience at being the “new kid” I know that things in the beginning can be slow as not only do I have to learn a new set of acronyms, procedures, names and timelines but those I will be working with need time to get to know me and my skill set and ways as well.

However that does not mean it is easy to adjust. Going from my last position where most days, especially during the last few years, it was non-stop all day with a lot of varied tasks to keep track of, to being at home. Focused on the job search and then my writing, the quilt group each week and being able to set my own schedule to this more structured environment.

Well, structured in some ways – not so much in other. In some ways I am feeling as though I was tossed into the deep end of a pool where I could not see bottom and there are no railings nearby. At other times I feel completely adrift with no direction and no purpose. I don't feel that my role here is really well defined and neither are my duties. On one hand some people would say "Great, you can create your own job" - however I know that I do better with more structure.

I have been assigned some specific tasks – but frankly, at this point none of them seem all that challenging or complex to me. Yes there are a myriad of moving parts but nothing more than keeping people focused and on track in sending me their information. Which leaves me a lot of time, too much time actually, without a clear game plan of what needs to be done. Or how.

Add to that the snowstorm we had here about four weeks ago, the one two weeks ago, Amy’s passing then my acquiring her cats and I find myself just wanting to stay in bed and not even try to come to work some days. Does that mean I don’t have as strong a work ethic as say my grandparents – or someone who would get up at 05:30 am to shovel out their car so they could get into the office regardless?

And then there is the technology factor. And why is it much too easy to waste time on the computer? I know there are things I need to do around the house – I just cannot seem to find the motivation and/or energy to tackle them. And I am not sure why. Is it the season? A mood swing? An onset of menopause? Or just laziness?

Just feeling rather “stuck” with no clear sense of how to UN-stick myself. What are your methods of coping when you feel overwhelmed and lackluster?