Breathing New Life into an Old Site

Back in February 2018 I was "downsized" from my job at Smith & Nephew, along with five other department members.

After months of job seeking it hit me - I really did NOT like what I had been doing and really did not want to take another job doing the same thing for years and years more.

I wanted to completely change my career.

So in September 2018 I began taking classes at Southern New Hampshire University to earm my Bachelors degree in Psychology, and then to work as an End of Life Doula working with Hospice patients.

During my studies I have written several papers, and created presentations, which I am rather proud of and wanted a place to share them.

So I have decided to resurrect this page as a place to not only mark scholastic items but to track my re-newed participation in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA).

Very Strange Job Posting

Just to share for a laugh ... this is one of the most interesting job posting I have read in quite a while. This guy sounds like a real trip!

*************************************************

Executive Assistant
Nashua, NH 03063

YOU NEED TO BE FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST SUPER FAST TURBO CHARGED MULTI TASKER, YOU WORK ON TWO THINGS AT ONCE NOT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, BUT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK ANY OTHER WAY

-Uber Organized
-You live in the grey......Out of the Box thinking is your middle name
-You are cheap with my money
-You take great pleasure in tearing my phone company a new one for overcharging me by accident
-You take great pleasure in getting me discounts
-You Know travel sites like the back of your hand
- You have the memory of an Elephant
-You can do expense reports in your sleep
-You are the type of person that gets your work done WAY before schedule just because you can
-NO CLOCK WATCHERS - 5 minutes early and 5 minutes late is typical for you (I HATE CLOCK WATCHERS!!!!!)
-You can deal with a real pain in the ass for a boss, who is always busy, bad at communicating, and does not give much direction
-You are not afraid to give me S-H-$-T for being bad at communicating and for not giving direction so that you can get your work done
-You like a mix mash of work anywhere from managing my time to bringing my dog in to get neutered
- You must be able to lift a box weighing 30 lbs over your head
-You know a little about a lot
- You are pretty good with computers
- You hate a mess
- You are known as "Cool Under Pressure" by your friends
- You are a fast worker who makes minimal mistakes
- You are an amazing scheduler with a sickening degree of attention to detail
- You are an awesome juggler of tasks
- You are an animal at project management
- You like to work your ass off
-You don’t care that I have a potty mouth

This is a Part time- full time position, Send me a resume and cover letter in pdf format. In your cover letter tell me four things:

1. Why are you such a badass
2. Describe the last 3 bosses you had and why you loved and hated working for them
3. Tell me your ideal situation
4. Tell me about the first job you ever had, what you did, how long you had the job.

GOOD LUCK!”

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And my response: 

RE: Indeed Job Posting – Executive Assistant

Dear Sir/Madam:

I will say that your position posting was one of the more interesting I have seen in quite a while. You emphasized speed, however when things are merely done quickly in order to meet an arbitrary deadline you risk sacrificing accuracy and completeness. Something to keep in mind as you move forward.

Now, as regards the lengthy list you provided regarding the qualities you are seeking:

• I am very organized and can maintain that system as long as you stay out of the files and not try to “help” me re-file items. Also, no digging through my desk and messing up the supplies and projects in progress.
• I do not necessarily equate grey with out-of-the-box. However, I have a large creative streak.
• A bit concerned about your classification as a cheapskate. Will that transfer to a battle over getting paid or my raise?
• While not able to recount chapter and verse of all the travel sites out there I am very smart and can manage to do comparisons of various offers
• I have the ability to remember a lot but you are on your own regarding keeping track of your kids/significant other/parent’s birthdays and gift preferences.
• Deadlines will be a close shave or missed because you did not give me all the information I needed to complete the task. After two instances I will implement a structured work request document for you to follow.
• I have had more than my fair share of pain in the ass managers during my career. Not all of which appreciated being told they were out of line, needed to put their heads down on their desk for five minutes, or to please remove themselves from my personal space.
• “You can deal with a real pain in the ass for a boss, who is always busy, bad at communicating, and does not give much direction” …. This makes me wonder just how many assistants have carried you to where you are today. These are really not characteristics to be that proud of.
• A mix of tasks does keep things interesting … however how many times have you had that poor dog neutered??
• Why am I lifting a box over my head? Just to re-stock it or is this some weird endurance fetish? If the latter – then I will pass.
• I am cool under pressure until my bullshit levels hit critical mass. Then I will either push back hard or walk away for 10 minutes.
• Working flat out has never resulted in any reduction in the size of my ass, so I am not sure the same effort for you will result in any lost inches.
• I definitely know a LOT about a huge variety of topics. A lot of which will probably not help you much in a modern business setting. But let me know if you have questions about medieval food preservation.
• Computers? You can fix issues by whacking them on the top with your fist right? Like we used to do with the old television in the family room.
• If your potty mouth includes blasphemy then I am calling you on it. I can handle the word “F*&(“, but screaming “Jesus Christ” at me is going to get you a bad reaction.
• What the HECK is Part time – full time? Is this code for “20 hours a week that will be such hell it will feel like 60”?

As to your questions:

1. I have been called tough, intimidating and unwilling to budge by more than one person over the years. Usually by someone who is not happy with me for refusing to change the game plan or deadline to account for their lack of planning. I like the phrase “Lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine”. In my last position I stopped “covering” for a team member who had not made a deadline for six months and then expected me to revise a 70 page document an hour before the monthly meeting because he missed the deadline getting me his data … again. I stopped sending out revised reports moments before the meeting, and when we got to where his data should be there was a large blank page with the words “NO DATA SUBMITTED”. Yep, I threw him under the bus three months in a row. My manager told me I should stop embarrassing him in front of the team. I told his VP that it was unreasonable to expect me to inconvenience the other 40 members of the management team for this one person.

2. My last three bosses / managers – okay this will be just a sampling as with each position I reported to more than one person at a time.

a. Smith & Nephew – my last manager was the only one in our department who actually “got” me and did her best to give me opportunities to use my multiple talents. Our first VP and I had a sarcastic verbal sparring method of communication that worked really well for us. Unfortunately, he was replaced by a man who had a large pole firmly implanted in his backside that had removed any sense of humor or appreciation for working with a non-drone.

b. C.R. Bard – Similar story. My first manager let me take on work outside my written job description. Mainly because I was bored with nothing to do – and I did it well. Plus, she had been doing that task and hated it. She was replaced by a corporate drone who felt that even though I was working for HR I was too “friendly with the staff”. Whatever the heck that meant.

c. Wyeth – I loved my original manager. She had a firm grasp on not only what each team member did, but the difficulties they faced meeting metrics. She also had the maturity to share accolades with her team and not claim all the glory for herself. The entire team loved her and we worked harder for her than for the Black Widow that took over her duties when she left.

3. My ideal situation has evolved as I have matured and gained focus. At this time however, my short list would include:

a. Part time – I am back in college working towards a new focus for my degree and I need time for homework, projects and study. I am unable to commit working every weekend as well.

b. I do have interests and a life outside of the job. As such I have commitments already in place for specific days through November already. Most are during weekends, but there are a few that encompass a Friday as well. As I have already made these commitments, backing out of them is not, for me, the ethical thing to do.

c. Not interested in having to wear a uniform, I like color, design, texture and dress according to how I am feeling that day. It is always business appropriate (no sweats, pajama pants, jeans or flip flops) but not suit and tie formal.

d. COFFEE. Coffee must be available to me at all times.

e. I am an adult. I neither need, nor want, you to be my parent. If on Tuesday I am in five minutes late I will know it. The eyeroll, sigh or tapping of your watch is not necessary. On the other hand, if I am in the middle of a project that I can either put away because it is X o’clock, or stay 20 minutes and finish it today, there is a 90% chance I will do the latter.

f. I believe in compartmentalizing specifics of work and home lives. As such I will not send break-up flowers to your latest girlfriend, or do your Christmas shopping. I will put reminders on your calendar a week in advance that your mother’s birthday is coming up so you can send her a card. If you need to be out of the office for Yom Kippur for example, then I expect reciprocal consideration for Holy Week and Christmas.

g. Co-workers who are going to head to the restroom to cry because I say something sarcastic or ironic are to be avoided if possible.

4. My first non-babysitting job would be when I was 15 and I was employed as a cleaner for a local management company. I had to clean vacated apartments prior to new tenants moving in. Overall, a truly disgusting job. On the plus side I was allowed to keep any cash or items left behind that I found. My best score was the $100 in fives found in a freezer. This was followed up by a stint working fast food. Another disgusting experience. However, I did them in order to earn the money I needed to go to Hawaii for a week with my school orchestra/band for a run of concerts.

After high school my first “real” job was working in the accounting department of a private bank where I remained for two years. Pros: I learned a lot, had some amazing co-workers and made a great friend. Cons: very strict dress code, no opportunity to move into another position.

Now, having listed what many would consider downsides to working with your company, what can you tell me about why you should be fortunate enough to have me join your business?

Good luck!

Random Thoughts ....

Random thoughts that have been bouncing in my head as I head into Finals Week …..

1. Why have we as a society decided that there is no longer any limit on what is inappropriate to wear outside of our homes? Especially when at work or the grocery store? Have we all just become so lazy that slippers are acceptable footwear anyplace – because you know putting on shoes is just SOOOOO hard. Don't get me started on pajamas.

2. And I cannot wait until the women you see on the red carpets finally realize that there is a REASON we invented bras and perhaps they should try wearing them again. Honestly, do men really find a woman’s sternum, from collar bone to belly button, with the curve of pendulous unsupported breasts that appealing? I get it – you have tits and a navel – doesn’t mean I want to see them every time you step out of your house.

3. What is with the cat-ear headbands and clips I see on so many elementary school girls? Is this a new cult?

4. Are we really better off as a society because we “let go” of a more elegant way of living? I hear people saying that getting rid of the Dining Room, nice dishes or big family dinners frees up their time. For what? Sitting together on the sofa ignoring the television while everyone stares at their phone/tablet? Are most people actually using that so-called “extra” time to learn something, make something or spend time with others?

5. It’s okay if you do not believe the same things I do. I know people have been hurt by some religious groups or are still on a path of searching for answers. However, is it really the best idea to post anti-Christian “jokes” or demeaning comments about Christianity during the holiest week in our year? If I did that about Jews during Passover, or Muslims during Ramadan my page would be flooded with angry responses. I did not respond to you because I am choosing to turn the other cheek and pray for you in your Journey that God will make His love for you manifest in your life. NOT because I am ashamed of what I know to be true.

6. For the last several years I have pulled back from being the person to always initiate getting together with quite a few people. Partly because I was still learning my new “normal” after Mom’s death. And I really noticed that if I do not initiate the getting together – that 97% of the people I know never invite me to do anything. Not a movie, coffee, or dinner. This is hitting me especially hard tonight. Yet another Holiday where not one of my friends, or acquaintances, ever asked if I had plans for the day. This comment will of course illicit one of two responses. Either “It is a day for family only” or “If I/we had known we would of course have asked you over”. I know I am not the cuddliest of people, but it does hurt my feelings sometimes.

Anyways, back to cleaning.

So my friend Gloria is coming for the weekend …

…and I am freaking out.

Now, it is important to say that my current stress is NOT Gloria’s fault in any way. She is probably the least non-judgmental person I have in my life. And I am confident she would not say anything to me, or anyone, simply to be hateful or self-righteous. I really admire her for that. I know I would be this anxious regardless of who the visitor was.

I am freaking out about my house, and the state it is currently in. One of the things people do not seem to realize about certain mental illnesses is that it affects more than just your mood. Other manifestations occur such as feeling so overwhelmed by daily tasks that you are simply unable to even start something. So it has been with me and housework over the past year or so.

I have never been the Queen of Housework. I am not the woman who scrubs and waxes her kitchen floor every Saturday morning. I rarely wash out my garbage cans, I thank the universe for frost-free freezers and I have been known to sleep on the other side of the bed to postpone changing the sheets. Something I can as I live alone.

On the other hand I am not a candidate for Hoarders and the Health Department would not shut me down or ban me from making anyone a sandwich (*fingers crossed*). The refrigerator is cleaned out often and the garbage makes it out for pickup. And I do have my super intense anal moments when the first thing I do on a Saturday morning is to dismantle the stove top and exhaust hood so I can wash every crevice. Once a year I take down the drapes and shake them out and wash the sheers as well as empty the china closets to dust everything.

After Mom died last June and I came home, washing windows or vacuuming did not feel like priorities. In fact things got to a point that just before Thanksgiving I hired a cleaning service to make my townhouse presentable for the guests that were coming. Something I had never done before – pay someone else to clean my home. And I felt bad about doing it, and needing to do it. As if I had failed in some fundamental way in the game of taking care of myself and being an adult.

When I had exchange students there was an unspoken social pressure to keep things up better, as well as the expectation to not gross out the kids. Since I now share my space with four cats and no other bi-pods I place “keeping up” lower and lower on my list of things I feel I must do.

As a result my home does not feel much like the refuge I want, and need, it to be. Each week seems to just add to the pressure and feeling of being overwhelmed by where to start.  So I struggle to even take baby steps, after all as long as the food comes on time and the water is changed regularly the cats have no interest in whether there is dust on the Dining Room table.

But now I have a guest arriving for the weekend. Which I am actually very happy about and anticipate we will have a good two days. Yet I feel that the latter will not happen unless my living space is pristine and perfect. That if it is less than that it will mean I am somehow lacking as a person, homeowner, or friend. A part of this may be ego for sure – that I am looking for validation because my home sparkles and smells like a field of wildflowers. Part may be my buying into media images of living spaces that never have clutter. The floors gleam, never is the sink filled with dishes, laundry is not piled up nor is there a ring in the tub. However if I was attacked in my home today and the forensics team hoped to find a stray fiber or hair to lead them to the assailant they would fail miserably.

When I am brutally honest with myself I know that most of my inertia and lack of action are based in anxiety and feelings of being adrift in life and society, while a small part of me still struggles to find purpose and relevance and relationships that are reciprocal. Intellectually I know that if my home was tidier I would most likely feel calmer. More grounded. But at the same time it all seems too overwhelming to even begin. And there is the cycle I am in at the moment.

I also have these old “tapes” playing in my head filled with comments from people who I should stop lending real estate in my consciousness. But for whatever reason their words found a bull’s eye in my insecurities and will not be dislodged. And the negatives that are flung at most of us through our life always seem to become permanent while the positives for me just slide off ass if I was Teflon coated. It is  a real mystery to me how people live with these things reversed.

 

While I ponder whether I am the only person I know who goes through this, at the same time fearing I am, I should start by clearing off the extra linens that got piled onto the guest room bed.

I Am Tired of Gray

It has been a difficult month in the news. And while there is no denying that such events touch people in different ways it can get to the point where a person begins to just feel numb. The ability to process negatives and seemingly unexplainable events overwhelm our spirit’s resources and we feel ourselves shut down as a means of self-defense.

Others see this and think we care not about this group, or that event. When in truth we care too much. We may not identify with a specific gender, race or other qualifier but as cliché as it may sound – our spirit has responded to the disturbance in the “force” or the life force in all of us.

I have read several social media postings today urging peace, using hashtags, or taking a political position. And if that makes the author feel better I am not going to say they are wrong. What they believe is as valid as what I believe.

The difference is that what I believe does not teach me to kill those who do not agree with my beliefs. What my beliefs DO tell me is that there is dignity in ALL other people as God’s creation. What I believe is:

•  There is ONE God, ONE Redeemer and ONE Holy Spirit.
  
  
•  I acknowledge that no group of people has ever acted perfectly and is without sin. The Crusaders acted in a way that would not be tolerated today. Various civilizations throughout history have enslaved, tortured and targeted entire groups of people for elimination. Wars, conquests and atrocities have been committed in the name of Kings, Queens, Gods and Ideologies. Chinese, Muslims, Germans, Aztecs, American Indians, Romans, Goths, Celts – all have had moments in their history where they felt themselves better than those they encountered. And yet humans still survive as a species on this speck in the universe.  
  
  
• Being born Black, White, Female, Blond, missing chromosomes, having a physical abnormality or being born into a culture I cannot support is not permission for others to seek to hurt you.
  
  
• While I consider heterosexuality to be God’s ultimate design for human sexuality I do not hate people simply because they express their sexuality differently. It also means I do not have to support their lifestyle, I can leave the decision about the right or wrong of their actions to a much wiser, higher power.
  
  
•  Guns are not the problem. There are cheaper ways to kill people if murder is your goal. Just like a car, a computer or a hammer – they are just objects. Cars kill far more people every year but they do not carry the stigma a firearm does.
  
  
• The police are not the problem. If, as some commentators have suggested, every police officer in this country was as blood-thirsty and filled with hate as claimed – wouldn’t that mean everyone should stay in their house and never leave for the store, work, or errands?  Yet there are peaceful traffic stops, arrests that do not involve beatings or shootings, police manage to direct traffic and escort funeral processions without drawing their weapons or taking pot shots.

Unfortunately people seem to have forgotten that for all their training, police officers are still just people. And they are stressed and feeling threatened as many other citizens are as well. I am not making excuses for the actions of any one officer, but I know it is a job I would not do. We would like to believe that the cops are always able to rise above personal feelings or stress – but no one can do that all of the time. And I am not so certain that the accounts the media forces upon us of how every person shot by an officer was a “nice boy”, “upstanding citizen”, “never would hurt anyone” is even close to the truth about half the time.  Hell, I am not sure a lot of people under the age of 30 even know how to speak respectfully to anyone – even their own grandparents.

·        And while it does seem that a disproportionate number of confrontations happen between non-white civilians and non-black officers – it is not accurate or fair to claim that the recent spate of violence is only racial in nature.

What I believe is that a lot of the root cause for the violence, intolerance and denigration of other people is a SPIRITUAL matter – not a political one. There are contributory factors in a lot of prior political decisions and initiatives: Welfare, Housing, Food Stamps etc. But I feel as if they are merely symptoms of the larger lack of moral balance.

I think we have had almost two generations of parents who only recognize the word as a noun and not a verb. It takes more than depositing sperm, or becoming pregnant, to make you a parent. As witnessed by the self-congratulatory, what’s-in-it-for-me, when-do-i-get-stock and what-do-you-mean-i-cannot-ripped-jeans-and-and-cropped-tops-into-the-office candidates I see come through here. I see a lack of manners, etiquette, respect for other’s time, and a lax work ethic. People who care more about how their lunch looks on Instagram than being able to hold a conversation with those at the table.

I don’t see young people being taught how to think and reason – only how to pass tests so their teachers don’t get fired. I see too many kids with no boundaries on their behavior. I have been cussed at and called foul names in my own neighborhood by spawn who clearly have never been taught anything different – because if daddy IS around he probably says the same things to mommy.

But mostly I see a society that has turned away from God and His teachings. Where life is being treated as cheaper by the year and wanting something you see your neighbor with doesn’t make you work harder to get your own – instead you try to take it by force.  There seems to be no sense of consequences for your actions anymore either. And when you get caught doing something wrong – no one seems to take responsibility for themselves. It is always “someone else’s” fault.

·        The schools for not teaching you – even though you skipped most of your classes to hang out with friends and smoke

• You have no job skills – even though there are many programs available for free to train you for work. Or you can join any branch of the military and they will train you.
  
  
•  It’s the government’s fault for not giving you free housing, clothes, cell phones, cars, cable, vacations or spending cash just because you are Navajo/Black/Latino/Illegal Alien/Druid etc.
  
  
• It’s the media’s fault for telling me that everyone must have A, B or C and that I am entitled to whatever I want even if I don’t work for it and cannot afford it.

Isn’t it past time we stopped putting  up with this behavior and started as a society practicing some Tough Love? And how about we, and here I mean especially Christians, stop apologizing for what we believe. Stop being silent for fear of being labeled a hater or racist. Stop doing the politically correct dance and start calling sin a sin, and that there is black and white in a society that only wants to see gray.

Start by standing up for what you believe – and think – and know in your heart to be the Truth. Other groups have no problem getting in our face and yelling their beliefs at us. Why do we duck our head and turn away? Why do we shy away from posting scripture onto our social media pages? Or religious icons and symbols?

I am tired of being part of the silent, spineless millions who would rather keep quiet rather than risk offending anyone. You know what? Christ was confrontational, as were the Apostles and the early Popes. To follow Christ required real backbone in the early days. If our ancestors were willing to risk being mauled by lions then why are we afraid of words on a screen?

Is Ignorance Bliss ……. Or Just Denial?

Here is a fun little exercise for you.

During a time of grieving, therapy, healing and stress -  write up some questions about how you come across to other people and ask several people you know to answer said questions honestly. Then sit back, wait for the answers and be prepared to feel as though you were kicked in the head.

To be fair, I did ask for honesty. And those that responded were not mean, nasty, or out to hurt my feelings. In fact most of them commented on how “brave” I was to even ask the questions as they did not think it was something they could do themselves. But that does not mean their answers were easy to read. 

First, the questions I sent:

1. When we met, specifically our first face-to-face meeting, what was your first impression of me?
   
2. Overall what would you say is the most positive aspect of my personality, what would you say people find most appealing?
   
3. What trait or habit do you think people find least attractive about me? Or most off-putting?
   
4. Would you say that there was any particular thing about me that would want someone to keep me out of their personal circle?

 

I am sure some of you are thinking: “Why in the world would you even ask people these questions?” Well I do have a good reason. This last year has been very difficult after the death of my mother. She was my best friend and my greatest sounding board. I came to realize that for several reasons I often find it difficult to connect to other people in the ways I would want to. This is not just in the wake of my loss but is tied to events and experiences over many years. After my counselor suggested asking someone I trusted to give me some feedback I decided to act on that idea.

Of course being ME you know there were spreadsheets involved. Names of selected respondents, columns for gender and how long in years I had known the person as well as their responses under a header of each query. The numbers break out as follows:

• 9 responses out of 15 requests – 60% response rate
• 7 Females & 2 Males
• 3 each for the number of years category: 0-5 / 6-10 / 10+

 

My first surprise was who did, and who did not, respond, some of these I found very unexpected. Individuals who I had thought to get a sentence or two wrote well thought out paragraphs with specific examples and occurrences. Three people who had promised to respond, and in fact gave me specific time-frames, I did not hear from at all.

The second thing that caught me off guard was the theme of the answers to Question One. The way I was described from their perspectives was incredibly similar (especially given most of them do not know each other). Yet their observations and memory of that first meeting are the polar opposite to what my recollection was and how I was feeling at the time, regardless of how it came across.

Some responses made me cry, some made me defensive and some made me question I really should ever be around other humans. There were days when I began to feel like some sort of monster, or social cancer, and I understood why no one wanted to be around me. But I read them multiple times and usually that sick, panicky feeling in my gut would calm a bit – each review decreasing the feeling that I wanted to just throw-up.

I will say again that in spite of the common themes and words I read in each answer I am still a bit in awe of the disconnect between how I feel about myself and how others see me. Some of which may come from their own filters as well as my learned behaviors.

The questions now become:

• Do I WANT to change who I am? Is it even possible?
  
•  If so, how much change are we talking about? Do I have to learn an entirely new persona and personality in order to achieve what I thought I wanted?
  
• And if I do change that completely will I still be ME? What will I lose in the process? Can I maintain my own sense of self and integrity if I change that much to make others more comfortable? 
  
• If I change nothing whatsoever can I handle the loneliness, solitude and sense of isolation that prompted the questions in the first place?
   
• Have I just not discovered “my people”? Or is it perhaps that the window to form the types of relationships I want has closed?

I don’t have any concrete answers yet so there is no pretty and neat ending to this post. Just more questions and more work.