August 10, 2021 - Unemployment

I am SO over the job searching activities that seem to have dominated my life over the last year!! I want to curl up under a quilt with my teddy, suck my thumb and just ignore the entire thing.

 

Let the lights be turned off, send me to collections – a part of me no longer gives a shit. As long as my cats have food I will be fine. Really. Perhaps I can find a new therapist who will agree to fill out paperwork saying I am emotionally disabled, and unable to “adult” anymore then I can live off the system……………….

 

*SIGH*

However, I know that this course of action is not what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to be stronger than this. I am supposed to be self-motivated to work and pay my bills and be a productive member of society and a grown-up.

 

It just seems as though this limbo has been going on forever. I can barely remember what it was like to get up at the same time every morning, get dressed, do my makeup, drive to an office, have a set lunch break etc.

 

To date I have applied for 267 positions just in 2021 – let me repeat that TWO HUNDRED AND SIZTY-SEVEN!!! That is hours and days of my time researching, filling out applications, writing cover letters where I can (not all application platforms give you the option for a cover letter). Looking up the company, searching Linked In to find the appropriate manager so I can personalize the cover letter to their attention. I search seven different online job listing websites, troll the State listings, take recommendations and suggestions from friends, connect with former managers and co-workers to “net-work”, updated my resume, have several versions based on what the listing says they are looking for. Updated my Linked In account, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ………..

 So far in 2021 I have had only FOUR follow ups / phone screening interviews. And I did prepare for those. Did my makeup, chose my location carefully, tested the lighting before hand etc …..

 

People tell me not to take it personally, that there are a lot of people out of work yadda yadda yadda ….. But that does not actually make me feel any better. I know they are trying to help, but it really doesn’t. I wish it did.

 

Which brings me back to my opening thought …. I am just tired and depressed and ready to give up. Perhaps it would not be all that bad living in my car.